12.08.09



Hot salsa –
my daughter cries
for the moon


Kommentare:

Dalloway hat gesagt…

oh I ejoy this one.. something very passionate about it

Devika hat gesagt…

Oh, love this Ralf :)

wishes,
devika

gautami tripathy hat gesagt…

You give her the sun!

Lorraine hat gesagt…

it's delightful ...a little rain should soothe ;)

Rudi Pfaller hat gesagt…

"To cry for the moon" - this idiom means having a desire which cannot be fulfilled. So I learned by a online-dictionary.
When you meant that, dear Ralf, the ku seems me too figurative. I would prefer a version, which is more concrete.
Amother interpretation: you wanted to write in a double sense (concrete moon and idiom as well).

Your text makes me insecure. Can you help me?

Best wishes
Rudi

RBroeker hat gesagt…

Dear Rudi,

this verse can be read in (at least) two ways. As far as I know, this is a normal think in haiku (kakekotoba):

line one - dance or spice
line two - tears or shout
line three - to demand something impossible or to be touched by this object

An idiom - in my eyes - is not figurative, when it is used as it is: a quotation. But of course you are right: this playing with multi-meaning of words is not state of the art. But sometimes I like to swim against the mainstream. And I appreciate your comments, your positive way to help me to improve.

Thank you, Rudi. And thanks to all the others :-)

Best wishes
Ralf

RBroeker hat gesagt…

And if somebody is interested in the scene, this haiku describes: we both saw Harry Potter 6 in the cinema and Dumbledore (or however this name is written) died while she was eating nachos. Very unlyrical. But put it on another place was my attempt ...

Best wishes
Ralf

Gillena Cox hat gesagt…

enjoyment and tears; its like what Gibran wrote in one of his poems "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked..." ; it so happens i'm reading Gibran during the month of August and i find that your haiku resonates this idea; nice one Ralf

much love
gillena

T.Migratorius hat gesagt…

Ralf, I loved this one as soon as I read it. So many ways to take it. I enjoy hearing how you came up with the idea for it (in the theater). That added a whole new, and visual interpretation for me. This is what I love about modern haiku. We can be a creative as we want to be, and write for our own enjoyment.

All the best to you and yours,
Robin

Kristin Riggs hat gesagt…

I see my little girl when I read this. Poetry is so personal and can be taken in so many different directions by its many readers...that is what I LOVE about it! Very nice work! :)

Laure hat gesagt…

Ralf!

the imagery is so strong in this.

thank you for your devotion to writing.

though many people are well intentioned, i struggle sometimes with commentary that picks apart the gift ... and i really do see it as a gift ... from a poet.

if we (the reader) find our way into the words of another ... if we find their experience touching something inside us ...

then kindness is to say so. otherwise i wish for silence.

to defend or explain ourselves/our poems is to betray the heart of them, i think.

i really like this verse. again, thank you!!!!

Magyar hat gesagt…

An instantly felt... request for relief. A good picture of that moment, Ralf. _m

RBroeker hat gesagt…
Dieser Kommentar wurde vom Autor entfernt.
RBroeker hat gesagt…

(Deleted the one before, 'cause I had to correct some of my many faults.)

Thank you very much everybody for your friendly comments.

@ Laure: Yes, I prefer to keep still too. But here - like in some others - I wanted to be polite to Rudi (who is a dear follower). Anyway I didn't mean to defend myself and my intention was not to mastermind. Please, accept my apology. And of course I am happy that you like the verse.

BTW: Among German haiku-writers you will often find hard but mostly fair discussions on the merits. A tough comment is a normal case in our neck of woods, but in international circles this "German way" sometimes affect other readers negatively.

Best wishes
Ralf

Laure hat gesagt…

Ralf,

Your graciousness is evident. and i knew that you wished to be polite. and oh ... there is nothing to forgive of you. this is your writing home and you must live in it with all the integrity of your being. i think i should be the one asking for forgiveness as i created some self-consciousness for you ... so yes, please do forgive me. i need to learn better how to remain quiet myself.

as to the German way of discussing haiku writing ... i thank you for this insight.

as you so often do, i send my best wishes to you and thanksgiving for your honesty and generous spirit as one whose words inspire.

Janice Thomson hat gesagt…

I enjoyed the instant rapport this haiku brought when recalling certain circumstances I wished changed.
It is also pleasing to hear some of the nuances of different cultures in poetry writing bringing greater depth and understanding to the words written.
Well put Ralf.

RBroeker hat gesagt…

Thanks a lot, Janice. I am touched when someone is touched by my words.

Best wishes
Ralf

jem hat gesagt…

I like the contrast, because the moon is often considered cool.

RBroeker hat gesagt…

Thanks a lot, jem. And yes, there are some aspects of contrast in this.

Best wishes
Ralf